Speak for yourself
Take a cue from Gary Chapman, and learn how to speak for yourself. Instead of using accusatory “you” statements when talking to your spouse, use “I” statements to help them understand your point of view and to keep you from pointing your finger.
Listen to what's being said
Relationship conflict often arises from simple misunderstandings. Ask for clarification rather than making assumptions. Try saying, “I heard you say this. Is that what you meant?”